Tuesday, June 24, 2014

The Soulmate Blues

   Perhaps you’ve heard the saying “There’s someone out there for everyone.” While I like to believe it’s true, the reality is it may not be. Worse than that, I think, is if the saying is absolutely true, but the vast majority of us fail to find that special someone meant for us. The idea that we all have a “soulmate” is not new and regardless if this is true or not, many people believe it and shape a good portion of their life in pursuit of that special someone connected to them in a profound way or on a metaphysical level. It doesn’t matter what your favorite color is, when the search comes up empty, the color of the day is blue.

   What do you do when you reach your late forties or early fifties and you still haven’t found “the one.” I don’t have an answer for that, but I’m sure many look back on their life with a very different set of eyes. Perhaps they were too stringent in their type selection? Perhaps they spent too much time entertaining dreams instead of dealing with reality? Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps…and the answer may still elude them.

      I’ve seen the soulmate blues manifest in desperation and depression. It’s a fact that your attitude changes for the worst when sexual tension isn’t addressed. It’s arguably worse when you feel your emotional needs and yearning for companionship go unfulfilled. One might even find themselves posting “Who wants to marry me” on Facebook…as a serious post! All this might seem funny or tragic (depending on your state of mind and capacity for empathy), but I find the truth of it all very sad, especially if that person just simply waited for their soulmate to fall out of the sky and into their lap. Life just doesn’t work that way (for most).

   So how can all this be avoided? I really don’t know, life isn’t scripted and is different for everyone. I’m of the mindset that soul mates don’t just manifest, but are created. I think we create the bond with someone that connects our soul. It’s not some magical happenstance, but the result of years and years of painstaking work. The idea that you will one day meet that person meant for you and afterward live a life full of bliss and problem-free is just a heinous lie. Falling in love is much easier than staying in love, and staying together is much harder than splitting apart.

   All I’m saying here is take the magic out of it, and put the work into it.

   Does this mean that everyone that has gone through a rocky relationship just didn’t put any effort into making it work? Certainly not. Sometimes all the effort in the world can’t make a square peg fit into a round hole. I’m saying that when the road of being a couple gets rough, that’s not an automatic soulmate killer and when a relationship ends, that's not an automatic soulmate search killer.

   Not finding that special someone could be as much, or more, your fault than that of the universe. I’m reminded of a funny picture of a woman asking God why he didn’t send her a man like she asked…and God replying that he did, but she said he was just a friend. This is just an example of that person you could end up spending your life with being a great conversationalist (something very important in the golden years) instead of a shallow clone of your favorite music or movie star.
   Happily ever after is something that happens in fairy tales. Lifelong companionship is something that happens in real life…after a lifetime of hard work. Talk to any couple that has been together for thirty or more years and you will find that there is very little they haven’t endured as a couple. The difference between them and other couples (and I’m being a bit simplistic here) is that they made a decision to share their soul with their mate, instead of waiting for their soulmate.

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