Monday, December 17, 2012

Caught Behind the Subaru

   Life for me is a constant series of interesting observations. Many of them serve no purpose except to entertain my short attention span, but I occasionally make a few that make me contemplate the possibility that there is something more profound to what I’m observing. A frequent venue for my observations is the wondrous world of traffic. Since I spend a lot of time in it, it’s only logical. My latest observation took place behind a Subaru.

   I hate being behind a Subaru. I‘m an aggressive driver, always more interested in getting where I’m going rather than spending the time trying to get there. I see empty stretches of road as places I need to be, that need to be used, that the rubber in my tires can express the joy of physical contact. So trust me when I say that being behind the driver of a Subaru is counter to this mindset. Let me apologize in advance to all my friends and fact, any reader of this that drives a Subaru. This post isn’t personal...or should I say, not an intentional personal attack. 

   I think it’s important to understand what Subaru means. Perhaps this might reveal why a certain cluster of people are drawn to drive one. "Subaru" is the Japanese word for the star cluster Pleiades that is depicted in the Subaru company logo. It also means "unite" in Japanese. how does this relate to the driving style of those that choose this brand of vehicle? Oh wait...they all drive like they are really looking up at the stars instead of at the road!

   Maybe it’s me. Perhaps I’m deficient and need to sing “I Feel Pretty” when driving. Always one to entertain every possibility, I’ll make sure I pick up Jack Nicholson on my next trip, for encouragement. However, perhaps it’s not just me. Perhaps Subaru drivers really are the most passive people to ever get behind the wheel. Maybe they really have nowhere to go...and every drive is a Sunday drive. I don’t know, I’ve never asked...but I have made some interesting observations.

   The speed limit is a stone tablet with the acceptable speed engraved in it, that constantly smashes the windshield of the Subaru driver. This ensures they don’t go even one mile per hour more over it.

   Subaru drivers are avid readers, and find license plates particularly interesting reads. This explains why, no matter what the circumstance, they always allow other vehicles to cut in front of, or continue ahead of them.

   Turning on red isn’t an option for a Subaru driver, like the rest of us. There is a secret code of conduct punishable by death if violated. This explains why they never, ever, turn on red.

   An addendum to the speed limit is the rule (presumably also punishable by death) that states they MUST drive the prescribed speed limit in the left lane, and must never, ever...move into the right lane so that faster traffic can pass.

   Green lights are a trick of Satan...and must never be trusted. This explains why Subaru drivers apply the brakes and slow down when approaching a sustained green light. Green doesn’t mean “go” means “no.” While other drivers are trying to make the light, Subaru drivers are also trying to make the light...the red light. seems Subaru drivers are indeed united...and stargazing is the perfect compliment to driving in traffic. I know, I can hear you now “Subaru drivers are the safest drivers” but how safe do they make the road when they have everyone trying to pass them...and dreading having to be stuck behind them? How safe are any of us if the unwritten rules of the road are never written...and thus never followed?


  1. I once owned a Subaru and I am not the driver that you've listed above. Unfornately, you've encountered a few bad drivers of a Subaru. Try driving behind a Toyota Corrola. Now they are the real Sunday drivers......

    1. LOL! There are always exceptions to the rule...and in this case, it's good to be an exception. You're right though...Corrola drivers aren't much better, but that's for another post...:-)

  2. I drive a Subaru and you are dead on with my driving style, it's actually kind of scary.

    What makes it even more scary is that I've only been driving for 6 months.

  3. This is an accurate description of 90% of the subarus I see on the road. My wife has been driving only since August and she gets mad following them.

  4. @cord Scott. I am subaru owner, but very sane, am definitely in the 10% cluster. I have to slow down to let toyota people with an attitude of, 'see i can outrun a subaru' pass

  5. In Australia Subarus seem to be driven by more normal people. Unfortunately the sort of driving you mention is not so uncommon here, due in part to wall-to-wall pigs with radars, removing large amounts of money and driving licences for travelling a bit faster than the speed limit. But they can't easily get you for speeding up to whiz around corners.

    Subaru Foresters and Outbacks have low range here and, with an after-market sump guard, can be used for medium off-roading. Of course, a lot of off-roaders never go off road, possibly because the drivers are fools.

    Slow cars in the overtaking lane is also an Australian problem. Pigs are found with radars in great profusion on freeways, and often on the alternative route as well, enforcing ridiculously low speed limits.

    As far as "liberals" go, I am apparently a liberal. Tough shit.

  6. That train of thought is interesting. While I don’t condone arrogance, I kind of get why some Subaru drivers take pride in their vehicle. Subaru is great vehicle manufacturer, but that shouldn’t be an excuse to drive like you’re looking up at the stars. Although, that behavior isn’t totally exclusive to Subaru drivers. There are just drivers who are too proud of their vehicle, especially those who drive high-end ones.

    Lance Gross @ Royal On The East Side

  7. I can't believe there are not more articles like this. Not only do the do 5 mph under the speed limit in the passing lane, They will flash their lights at you if you pass them, even doing the speed limit. IMO they seem like traffic nazi's... or maybe they are singling the ufo's and I just get in the way of their flashing lights. But i did work in a city that was 70% Subaru drivers and well... I didn't like driving there.

  8. I must live on mars. Subaru's here are driven at 100 mph in 55's by juvenile boys with a death wish whom if you speak to are convinced 99.99% of the technology in their cars was stolen from Porsche. I've learned to hate them, unpredictable within sight and I can only hope when the days comes, it's only themselves they kill.